Wit & Wisdom

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Oct 05, 2006 3:05 pm

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Oct 05, 2006 6:38 pm

Whenever I date a guy,I think,Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

Comedian Rita Rudner,quoted in the London Times

Focused · Post by **Focused** » Thu Oct 05, 2006 8:41 pm

The bad thing about little sins is that they grow up so fast.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Oct 06, 2006 4:51 am

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:21 am

Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?

........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on
Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sat Oct 07, 2006 7:01 pm

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Sun Oct 08, 2006 7:43 am

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately , I'm always safe in the bedroom.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 7:19 am

What does the average Michigan player get on his SATs?

.........Drool.

Post by **noreply66** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 9:25 am

A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth.

Journalist Michael Kinsley,quoted in the New York Times

Focused · Post by **Focused** » Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:09 pm

Man is trying to make something for himself rather than something of himself.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Tue Oct 10, 2006 7:49 am

How do you get a Nebraska cheerleader into your dorm room?

........Grease her hips and push.

Focused · Post by **Focused** » Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:24 pm

Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms His child.

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Wed Oct 11, 2006 7:28 am

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Post by **noreply66** » Wed Oct 11, 2006 8:54 am

Now! thats a good one^^^^^^

It is not enough to do good; one must do it in the right way.

British politician/writer John Morley,quoted in Forbes

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 6:36 am

He who laughs last, thinks slowest......

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 8:40 am

Men hate those to whom they have to lie.

Victor Hugo,quoted in The Nation

Focused · Post by **Focused** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 3:00 pm

He who sings his own praises is always a soloist.

Post by **noreply66** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 3:39 pm

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

P.J. O'Rourke,quoted in Appetite magazine

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Thu Oct 12, 2006 4:05 pm

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband

BubbleGumTiger · Post by **BubbleGumTiger** » Fri Oct 13, 2006 6:00 am

One good turn gets most of the blankets.....