Story of a Coach's Wife

[farmer]

The story of a coach’s wife

Mark Maynard The Independent


ASHLAND — Nobody ever pushed around Herb Conley. Nobody ever dared.

He was tough as nails. As a kid growing up. As a blossoming athlete. As a coach. As a father. Always, tough as nails.

He was a Beast, and this Beast had a Beauty.

Her name was Janice.

Janice was the love of his life, the one person who could tame this Tough Guy who would become a football coaching legend in his hometown.

She could melt him with the batting of her eyes.

She had him at hello and, boy, was he ever glad she did.

Whenever things were tough, and they weren’t always easy for Herb Conley, he had Janice.

Always there to lift him up.

Always there to tell him how proud she was of him.

Always there to keep him in line.

Whenever Herb Conley needed a boost, she was there for him. She could pick up his spirit like he picked up weights. Effortlessly.

They lived a storybook life, these high school sweethearts did. That’s because anything they did together, they did well. They were soulmates who raised three boys in their hometown. Grew old together, yet still loved each other like school kids.

She had one of the toughest jobs on earth, that of being the wife of a high school football coach, in a town that expected a lot from its team. Every week. Every game. Every minute.

We’re with you win or tie, they would say.

Conley was no newcomer when he became Ashland’s head coach in 1968. He was a former star player for the Tomcats, a member of their last undefeated team in 1958, and had been an assistant the prior two years under Jake Hallum. The ’67 Tomcats won a state championship and Herbie was a big reason why.

But when you step into that head coaching position, the pressure intensifies. Ask anyone who has coached here where you’re fate is determined every Friday night.

When the Tomcats weren’t winning like the fans thought they should be winning, the fingers started pointing and they were pointing in Herb’s direction in 1970.

Legend or not, they were ready to run him out of town.

Ashland had lost to Russell for the first time in school history and angry fans trashed Conley’s yard and home with garbage.

“Herb wasn’t always the legend he is now,” said longtime friend Bill Tom Ross. “Early in a coach’s career, you have difficulties. I had the same thing at Boyd County (his first head coaching assignment).

“Imagine being Herb Conley’s wife? The toughness, the mental toughness, raising three sons. That house was overflowing with testosterone.”

But Ross remembers Janice as being upbeat in the face of adversity. She was that to the end.

“I remember back in those days she was never down, never depressed,” said Ross, who credits his wife Brenda with his coaching success.

The life of the high school coach’s wife is never easy. The divorce rate is high. The criticism you hear from fans can be cruel.

“Not only in the stands but, when you’re coaching at a high-profile place like Ashland, you can’t go to the grocery store or the bank without hearing something,” Ross said. “Somebody is always talking about the game.”

But the wife must bite her tongue, smile and take it. They must be there for their husband and their family. They better be strong.

“I’m not sure in that household that Janice wasn’t the toughest one of the bunch,” Ross said.

Back in 1970, when things were tough, a letter came to the Conley’s house. Inside it had a cartoon drawn of a man with a noose around his neck with another man leading him out of town.

Janice never showed it to Herb, but he found it rummaging through a drawer a couple of years later.

“What’s this?” he asked her.

“Oh, where do you find that?” she said. “I thought I threw that away. It was nothing.”

She told Herb it had come a few years ago, but she didn’t want to bother him with it. Truth is, Janice was protecting her man from one more dart being thrown in his direction.

The rest of the story went well for Herb Conley after he survived that 1970 season. The Tomcats took off on a six-year run that produced 56 victories, a state runner-up finish in 1972 and the 1975 state at-large championship.

Guess who was there cheering him all the way?

She loved her Tomcats. Always. Even in her last days of a losing battle with cancer, when she was mostly unresponsive, when Herb was wearing a Tomcat shirt she would look down at it and then up to his face. Down again and up to his face.

It’s been a difficult 19 months for the Conleys, who were set to enjoy a long retirement together with long walks on the beach. They loved their stretch of paradise on Myrtle Beach.

They enjoyed life together, right to the end. It was a never-ending love story like you wouldn’t believe.

Coaches’ wives are given something special inside. They are patient and thick-skinned. They know the importance of supporting their man through the good times and bad.

Janice Conley was like that for Herb.

“They were the ultimate team,” said Ross. “He didn’t lose her. He knows exactly where she is. He’s got that peace that passes all understanding.”

And he’ll never stop loving her.

[NY BUCKS]

Good post...

[bengalfan76]

Best post I have read on here. Good Stuff.

[chef_piketon]

Brought tears to The Chef's eyes. Great inspirational love story!

[farmer]

They were just as the story said. Coach was so into football but he always made time for her. They were an amazing couple and wonderful friends to have the pleasure of knowing.
There are many coaches wives that do so much that many people just do not know about. Sports are a great learning experience for life long lessons. These two showed how wonderful life can be with the right partner.

[tomcat]

nice stor'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''but WHY did she keep that letter for years ? :12224

[bigcatmarietta]

That is one of the most touching things I have ever read. Not just on here anyplace. Wonderful people. Makes me think of what my wife goes through. Coaching is tuff enough for one person, the ones you love get drug for the ride. Some, like this wonderful lady, make that ride worth it and sounds like she enjoyed it. As I write this pushing a tear off my face I hope all of us who coach have a chance to love and be loved this way.

[clevelandbrowns#1]

Thank you for sharing that!! Wonderful touching words!!!

[Grace22]

Wonderful post!

[Hitops2.0]

wow .......puts coaching in perspective.....and should the fans about coaching too ......

[GAHS7462]

Put a tear n my eye's.. Best alltime post on here ever!!! Thxs for sharing it..

[Bass Viking]

A few years ago I wrote this after appreciating what the wife of a coach goes through. It seems appropriate here:

The Coaches Wife

When his day as a coach is just beginning;
when his thoughts have turned to his team winning;
you leave your every day job and head off to your other;
where you handle cooking, cleaning and you are the mother.
You usually have the laundry, the kids and the meals;
you have to be the taxi service for the kids with your wheels.
Each and every day, you take care of the kids and the house
You provide the stability needed, as the coach’s spouse.

Sitting in the stands, sometimes your husband gets cursed;
Pretending not to hear what is said, cruel people are the worst.
You handle it well when somebody gets too harsh and loud;
you look beyond what you hear, you choose to stay proud.
For you accept what coaches do in molding these young men,
as they teach them life’s lessons; as they strive for that win.
You help with what is needed, you do everything you can,
You offer your all, for you’re his number one fan.

After the games, you rush and go straight to your kitchen
And though you are tired, this is not a time for bitchin
Because there is a group that will show up, wanting to eat
And they won’t have anything to feed on if you don’t fix a treat.
You worry each time, is my house presentable and clean;
is there enough to eat, drink, everything in between?
For this becomes your playing field, and most folks cannot tell
The game prep you have done so all this turns out well.

And, when all of this is over, and it is the end of a hectic day;
you still have things to think about, other roles to play.
You may have to soothe his feelings if the game turned out bad;
and avoid making it worse by saying something to make him mad.
You worry about the children and the time you feel is not spent;
and the way they handled all of this as their day has come and went.
But, they are tough and so are you as you handle this type of life;
tomorrow will be another day in the life of a coach’s wife.